


Too Close To Love You

by lemonmangosorbet



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood Friends, I'm bad at thinking of tags that won't give too much of the story away lmao, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, Some angst, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 08:31:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19849411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonmangosorbet/pseuds/lemonmangosorbet
Summary: At some point in his life, Bertolt had to accept that he needed to move on. He couldn't keep lingering on thoughts of what could have been. And to an extent, he did move on, only recalling that blond boy in moments of weakness.You could say that Bertolt's life had become mundane, but the simplicity of it made him happy. He had a good job, his hobbies and interests, and a good group of friends. There's no love life to speak of, but perhaps that wasn't a bad thing if experience had taught him anything.One day, things changed. All those feelings Bertolt had almost forgotten resurfaced when a certain blond returned to his life. Suddenly it felt as if someone had added a splash of colour to his grey existence, and all those nostalgic feelings came rushing back. But the question remained: did Bertolt even want to feel that way again?





	Too Close To Love You

**Author's Note:**

> **Playlist**  
> [Too Close](https://youtu.be/1Yr6YIPmC0s) by Alex Clare  
> [Forever Is Over](https://youtu.be/_qDNfwChwWg) by The Saturdays
> 
> This fic is rated as 'Mature' for now, but I intend on changing it to 'Explicit' in the future.

_At the end of it all, you’re still my best friend_

_But there’s something inside I need to release_

* * *

**June 2005**

Bertolt watched the couples swaying on the dancefloor from his seat. Technically he could be among them too with his ‘date’, but he felt so awkward dancing with Historia when she was so much shorter than him. In any case, she wasn’t sat with him now. She had excused herself to go to the ladies’ room, but that had been a while ago. She must have found someone else whose company proved to be better and more interesting than Bertolt’s.

He hadn’t been in the mood for talking that night. Bertolt wasn’t known for being talkative, but that night in particular, he could happily stay silent and keep to himself. He never wanted to come to this event in the first place, however Reiner had really twisted his arm, and Bertolt couldn’t refuse his best friend.

_“I want all of us to go together. It’s my end of year prom and I want you to be there, so we can all be together.”_

Bertolt sighed, his elbow propped on the table and face resting in his hand. As he remembered what Reiner had said, his eyes instinctively fixated on the person he was thinking about.

While other couples were practically swaying in a tight embrace, Reiner and Ymir kept their distance. Her hands were awkwardly placed on Reiner’s shoulders, and his were on her waist. They weren’t even looking at each other. Ymir’s eyes were focused down on the floor, and Reiner seemed to be looking past Ymir, almost staring aimlessly into the distance.

They’d never been a couple that engaged in over the top displays of public affection, but Bertolt couldn’t help feeling a little jealous. Well, ‘little’ was truly an understatement. Even something as simple as watching them dancing together made Bertolt feel like his stomach was twisting into a tight knot.

His eyes watched Ymir’s hands and he thought to himself how if he was in her position, he’d drape his arms over those broad shoulders, closing the distance between himself and Reiner. He couldn’t help imagining how good it would feel to wrap his arms like that around Reiner, and feel the blond’s arms wrap around his waist in return.

Bertolt wanted to dance with Reiner; in that moment, that’s all he wanted and all he could think about. He had never thought of himself as the type to dance in front of his peers, but if he could just hold Reiner in his arms and dance with him, then he couldn’t care less about who else was there.

The feeling in Bertolt’s stomach wouldn’t subside. Instead, he felt worse the more he imagined himself dancing with Reiner, a realisation setting in that it would be something they’d never do together.

Bertolt swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump forming in his throat. Sitting there and watching Reiner was doing him no good; he needed to get out of the gymnasium and get some air.

* * *

Bertolt leaned back in the plastic seat in the stands, head tilted to look up at the night sky. There wasn’t a cloud to be seen, and if he concentrated enough, he could make out several constellations that he knew from memory. It was a pleasant evening; the cool night air and peaceful surroundings should have made him feel better, but they didn’t. He still couldn’t get Reiner off his mind. He knew that this evening would be torture, yet he still agreed to come.

“Bertolt?”

He jumped with surprise as Reiner’s voice broke his thoughts. The blond was walking up the stairs, then took the seat next to him.

“You okay?” he asked while sitting down.

“Yeah.” Bertolt’s reply was quiet, “I just needed some air. It was too hot in there.”

Reiner nodded, and his eyes were watching the empty soccer pitch rather than looking at Bertolt.

Bertolt suddenly felt bad at the thought of Reiner ditching Ymir to come look for him. He didn’t really want to hang out with his best friend when Ymir was lingering around, but he also didn’t want to feel like a burden to Reiner, especially on his prom night.

“Where’s Ymir?”

“Don’t worry, she’s with Historia.”

“Oh.”

Silence fell upon them again as they both continued to look out over the pitch they had played soccer games on together; the last time had been a few years ago. Minutes passed and the night was still, the only sound was the distant thumping of the bass from the music playing in the gym. Bertolt was honestly surprised Reiner hadn’t dragged him back yet.

Abruptly there was a strong hand on Bertolt’s shoulder, causing him to jump and look at Reiner.

“Bertolt. There’s something I need to tell you.”

Bertolt could feel the nerves building. He was looking directly at Reiner, and even though the blond had turned towards him, their eyes still didn’t meet. His mind was reeling as he began to jump to conclusions.

_‘What does Reiner need to say? Maybe...this is it? All this time I feel like I’ve been going crazy, obsessing over him. But maybe, he feels the same way about me? I’ve wished so hard that something like this would happen, but is it really happening?’_

When their eyes did meet, Bertolt could see, even in the dim light, the sadness that filled Reiner’s eyes.

“I’m moving away.”

Bertolt hesitated, trying to process what he just heard. Reiner’s hand on his shoulder was the only thing keeping him grounded to reality as the words started to sink in.

“What?”

Reiner removed his hand, turning to look away again. His elbows rested on his knees as his hands fidgeted nervously.

“My dad got a new job at a different university. The university in Mitras actually. He starts when the new term begins in September, so we’re moving there at the end of July, maybe beginning of August.”

“H-how long have you known?”

“A while. My parents weren’t gonna tell me until after my exams finished, but then decided it was better that I knew.”

Bertolt could feel another lump forming in his throat, but this time for a very different reason. It was so hard to swallow and all he could feel was dread. Suddenly it made sense why Reiner had been so insistent about going to prom together.

_“I want all of us to go together. It’s my end of year prom and I want you to be there, so we can all be together.”_

He knew it would be the only time they could go to something like this together. The only time… Bertolt’s hands started to tremble at the thought, and he couldn’t stop them shaking. He couldn’t even speak, afraid that sobs would escape instead of words.

“I’m sorry” Reiner mumbled, “I wanted to tell you sooner, but I just didn’t know how I was gonna tell you. And I guess I kept putting it off because I didn’t want to believe it was true.”

The blond turned to look at his friend, and Bertolt nodded silently, still unable to speak but trying to process everything he was hearing.

They sat like that together on the stands, an uncomfortable silence between them. That moment seemed to last an eternity, with Bertolt replaying everything Reiner had said over and over again in his mind.

* * *

“So, did you boys have a good night?” Bertolt’s father asked, trying to make polite conversation.

“Yes Mr. Hoover.” Reiner replied.

This was met with a small laugh from Bertolt’s dad that was almost unnoticeable. Bertolt assumed the laugh came from the fact that Reiner had known his dad for almost ten years, but politeness and his strict upbringing meant he still referred to any adult with the same formality you would use to address a teacher, no matter how long he had known them. The faint laugh had either been for that reason, or to break the tension in the car, as Bertolt and Reiner were both being unusually quiet.

Bertolt stared out the car window as they drove through sleepy streets, and soon enough, they stopped outside Reiner’s house, just down the street from Bertolt’s.

“Here we go, Braun residence for Mr. Braun.”

“Thank you for the lift Mr. Hoover.”

“No problem, it’s my pleasure.”

Bertolt could hear the sound of the car door opening, however he continued to stare in the opposite direction until he heard Reiner’s voice,

“Bertolt?”

The brunette turned, face emotionless,

“Hm?”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah... Of course.”

Bertolt watched as Reiner smiled sadly at him and then got out, closing the car door behind him.

The rest of the journey was short, with only a couple of houses to drive past. It was a quiet too. Even if Bertolt’s dad had sensed something was wrong between the two boys, he wasn’t saying anything; in any case, he was never the type to pass a comment.

As soon as they got inside the house, Bertolt mumbled some form of ‘goodnight’ to his dad, and practically ran up the stairs to his room. With the bedroom door safely closed behind him, he soon found himself on his knees on the floor, finally able to release the sobs he’d been holding. They shook his entire body, and tears freely flowed now there wasn’t anyone to see him. He managed to drag himself to his bed; he dropped his suit jacket to the floor but didn’t bother taking the rest of the suit off. He buried his face in the pillow to muffle the sounds of his crying.

Nothing felt real. He couldn’t accept that his best friend that he’d known for half his life was moving away. His best friend, that he’d been in love with for years, but never realised that the intense feelings he had were love until Reiner started dating someone else. Suddenly worries of Reiner’s girlfriend were the least of Bertolt’s problems. What was he going to do without Reiner? What was the point if he didn’t have Reiner in his life? Was this what it felt like to have your heart broken?

That night, Bertolt cried himself to sleep. He did the same again the day Reiner and his family moved away.

* * *

**2015 - Present Day**

“Bertolt, did you get that last action?”

He looked up from his notepad, quickly finishing off the last sentence he was writing. He met the eyes of the person speaking to him.

“Yes Erwin, I got it.” and he added a small smile with his reply, receiving one of Erwin’s charming ones in return.

“Excellent. Now, if there isn't any other business to discuss, I'd say we’re done here.”

None of the other members in the meeting raised any additional items, and the meeting was finished, much to Bertolt’s delight. Minute taking wasn’t his favourite thing to do at work, but Hitch was busy, and he had to cover for her; the joys of working in a team.

Most of the other members of staff had left the meeting room while Bertolt was still gathering his things. Surprisingly, Erwin was still sat in his chair, checking something on his iPad. As Bertolt stood to leave, he was met with the older man’s warm smile again.

“These meetings are a breeze with you Bertolt, I never have to repeat myself for the minutes. Thank you.”

Bertolt could feel the warmth rising along the back of his neck.

“It’s no problem.”

With a strained smile and a nod he left the room, making his way back to his office.

Bertolt knew he was decent enough at his job, but he really wasn't one for praise. Yet Erwin (one of the assistant directors) seemed to shower him with it any chance he could get. He’d tell Bertolt that he was a valuable member of his team; he’d definitely used that compliment more than once. Bertolt just cringed thinking about it. He didn't appreciate so many compliments on his work when he always felt like he could be working harder. Nevermind.

Back in his office, the feeling of relief washed over him.

“Finished in record time, I see.” Jean piped up from his desk, which was opposite Bertolt’s.

“Yeah. I really don't see why they need an hour and a half. We get through most of the items on the agenda in about forty-five minutes.”

“Maybe,” Marco was now joining the conversation, from his desk on the opposite end of the room, “it’s more about the quality of the person taking the minutes?”

Bertolt saw the wink Marco added at the end of his statement and rolled his eyes. Great, now compliments from his colleagues too.

He sat at his desk, almost second nature to type in his password and unlock his computer.

“Guys!”

Bertolt looked up to see Sasha entering, an excited look on her face and a cup of most likely tea in her hands. She continued, “Hitch is giving the new guy a tour. They should be passing our office any minute!”

“Oh yeah,” Jean mulled on the news, “Where was he working again?”

“He's in the software team, a developer I think?” Sasha took her seat at her desk, pulling out a packet of cookies from a drawer.

“The important question though: is he hot?” Marco was shameless, but it earned him a laugh and a smile from Sasha.

“I dunno yet, I haven't seen him.” a cookie was soon being dunked into her hot drink, “You’ll have to make up your mind for yourself. But, Hitch met him when he came in for the interview. She says he's easy on the eyes.”

This was met with a snort of laughter from Jean, as he added, “Yeah, but this is Hitch we’re talking about. Can we trust her opinion?”

The small group laughed quietly as they were all familiar with Hitch’s _reputation_.

“Oh!” Marco said, as his eyes lit up, “There they are!”

Intrigued by this new software developer, Bertolt was also peering over his computer monitor to get a good look.

Sure enough, there was Hitch, and today’s look was a black pencil skirt with a cream blouse. She was a slim woman, but with her was a man who made her seem even more petite. Tall, broad shoulders and blond hair… It couldn't be.

Bertolt swallowed thickly, feeling nerves build in his gut as the realisation set in.

It was Reiner.

Bertolt began wondering if perhaps he was still stuck in that meeting, and this was in fact a day dream. It was one of those situations where he thought he was going to have to pinch himself to prove it was real.

Reiner walked in with Hitch, and in the ten years Bertolt hadn't seen him, he had aged really well. Eyes scanned over Reiner and took in every detail possible. His hair was the same familiar shade of blond, cut in the same style as when he was a teen, but shorter, and it suited him. He wore glasses, and that was certainly new. His outfit was comprised of smart black trousers with a white shirt and dark green tie. His shirt was tucked into his trousers, and the sleeves were rolled up to show off muscular arms.

That was another thing; _the muscles_. As a teenager, Reiner had been fit from playing soccer and other outdoor activities. Now his muscles looked more defined, like he went to the gym regularly and looked after himself. Bertolt couldn't help staring at how good Reiner’s physique looked in that outfit.

His mind wandered back to that moment before they went to prom. Bertolt remembered opening the door to see Reiner stood there in his first ever suit. His parents had gone all out and bought him one that was made-to-measure. Bertolt would never forget the fluttering sensation he had felt as he realised how ridiculously good Reiner looked that night. And here Reiner was, ten years later, looking just as smart and well-dressed, and that feeling of butterflies in his stomach started to spread again.

“And here’s our Admin Team.” Hitch introduced Bertolt and his colleagues, and suddenly those familiar golden eyes were meeting his.

The way Reiner looked at him in that moment felt so nostalgic. It reminded Bertolt of moments at Reiner’s childhood birthday parties, when his eyes would light up with joy while unwrapping gifts; genuine surprise and excitement overtaking him. It was that look Bertolt could see now as their eyes met across the office.

Hitch continued with her introductions, “We’ve got Sasha, Marco, Jean and -”

“Bertolt?” Reiner interrupted, a grin spreading across his face.

Bertolt felt as if he no longer had control over his body, as he stood from his chair to make his way over to Reiner. So caught up in the moment, he didn't notice the awkward silence among the others as they watched the situation unfold.

“Reiner?”

_‘Why am I even questioning it? I know it's him, but...’_

Closer to Reiner, the blond without hesitation pulled him into a strong bear hug. But as soon as Bertolt felt those big arms wrap around him, he also noticed how rapidly they let go.

“Sorry Bertolt! I'm just...wow. I can't believe it's you!”

One of Reiner’s hands slapped Bertolt hard on the back; he assumed it was meant to be a pat on the back, but it felt more like a slap with the amount of force he put behind it. Reiner laughed, clearly overjoyed and amazed by the situation.

Hitch blinked, a confused look on her face,

“Um, do you guys know each other from something?”

It was as if Reiner had forgotten everyone else in the room, and Hitch was bringing him back to reality.

“Yeah, we do! Bertolt and I grew up in the same neighbourhood and went to school together. But we haven't seen each other in years.”

Hitch tried her best to feign some interest, eyes wide and a fake smile plastered across her face.

“Wow, that’s amazing. Who would have thought you’d meet each other like this? Well… Shall we proceed with the tour? Mr. Smith is probably waiting to have your induction meeting.”

“Yeah, sure.” Reiner regained his earlier composure, but the glint in his eyes gave away his true excitement to Bertolt. “I’ll send you an email or something later. We should try catching up over lunch soon, yeah?”

Bertolt nodded, lost for words and awash with disbelief. It felt great to see Reiner’s heartwarming smiles again.

Reiner waved to the rest of Bertolt’s team and smiled politely, adding a ‘nice to meet you’. If any of them had replied, Bertolt didn't hear them. He busied himself with getting his mug off it’s place on his desk and leaving the office.

In the communal kitchen, he flicked the kettle on. He didn't really feel like he wanted a drink, but he just needed some alone time, to try and comprehend what had happened.

With his back to the door, he heard it open and shut behind him. He turned to see Sasha, and she had that look in her eye, the one she gets when she knows she's on to some juicy gossip.

“Bertolt… That was him wasn't it?”

Bertolt couldn’t control his fingers as his nerves got the better of him, and he fidgeted whilst trying to avoid Sasha’s gaze.

“What do you mean?”

“Don't you remember? A few weeks ago I think it was? Or maybe months? When we were out after work on a Friday.”

“We’re usually out every Friday. You’re gonna need to be more specific.”

“I don't remember the exact details!” Sasha had been stood with her back pressed against the kitchen door, but as she continued, she stepped closer to Bertolt, “But you were really drunk and gushing to me about the love of your life; the one that got away! If you had any regrets in life it was that you didn't throw yourself all over him when you had the chance!”

Bertolt’s mouth fell open. He didn't remember saying that, but it sounded like something he would say while intoxicated. From the blank look on his face, Sasha must have guessed as much.

“So it's him, right? You long lost childhood sweetheart?”

Her hands pressed together, pleading for Bertolt to confirm her allegations.

Bertolt covered his face with a shaky hand.

“Oh god,” he muttered, “What am I gonna do?”

**Author's Note:**

> For any of you who've been trapped in the snk fandom for as long as I have, and frequently peruse the Reibert fics on AO3, this fic might seem familiar to you. This is because I actually begun writing and posting this fic back in 2016. Since then I purged all my old accounts, and this fic was deleted. However the story is very dear to me, so I'm republishing it and working on completing it.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the first chapter! I'm busy with con preparations at the moment (I sell my art at cons too as well as trying to squeeze in time for fic writing lmao) so I can't guarantee when the next chapter will be posted. I'm aiming for next week, but I might be a little delayed.
> 
> For anyone unfamiliar with me, I'm most active on [twitter](https://twitter.com/lemonmangoes) and I have a super-cool [tumblr blog](https://lemonmangosorbet.tumblr.com/) too


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